


Great Evil King babysits his grandkids but real evilly he's very evil and not nice at all

by mothedpiles



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game), ボクと魔王 | Okage: Shadow King
Genre: ALSO should mention that YES. He/They snatcher pronouns we r CANON up here in this fic .., Crossover, Gen, My Fic i get to make da rules ., Wow First Fic to even MENTION deaddiscotrain and it's some crossover shit .. jhdfg., anyways stan is snatchers dad bcoz. saw some stuff Joking about this, now it is Canon In My Fic bcoz i just. LOVE that idea so . fhdj, there's. vague deaddiscotrain mentions here hrmhfm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:02:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22866019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothedpiles/pseuds/mothedpiles
Summary: Snatcher's got to be somewhere and needs someone to take care of Hat Kid and Bow Kid, so they get in touch with their dad to babysit the two kids for them.
Relationships: Bow Kid & Snatcher (A Hat in Time), Hat Kid & Snatcher (A Hat in Time), Snatcher (A Hat in Time) & Stan (ボクと魔王 | Okage: Shadow King)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	Great Evil King babysits his grandkids but real evilly he's very evil and not nice at all

Stan wasn’t one to take orders, ever. Being the great evil king meant he had many, many evil tasks to do. The world wasn’t going to conquer itself, after all!

But he wasn’t one to deny his son’s request, no matter how disappointing they themself could be. Their lack of interest in dominating their whole planet was always to be something Stan himself couldn’t understand, but he knew well enough from their many past bickerings that if he tried to even suggest it, Snatcher would remind him that “Only _one_ of us has got _some_ sort of kingdom to their name, old man.”

No matter their disagreements, Stan did care for him. So when one of Snatcher’s minions had showed up to tell him that his kid needed his help, Stan couldn't say no. 

So he had followed the subconite back to the forest it dwelled in, and got the proper rundown from Snatcher himself. 

Vaguely put from the ghost themself, they had… business, to take care of. At a restaurant. With two birds. It was “unimportant” for Stan to know the exact details of what exactly was happening, according to Snatcher. They’d been more than eager to switch the subject to what Stan was supposed to be doing here, which is what they did. 

“What you need to do is easy! A real piece of cake,” Snatcher began, wrapping an arm around Stan’s shoulder, giving a grin slightly wider than usual. This should’ve been his first hint that this was _not_ going to be easy. 

Snatcher pointed using their free hand up to what appeared to be some sort of ship in the sky. 

“Y’see, there’s these two incredibly _annoying_ little girls on that thing. They’ve made a habit of visiting me, no matter what I do to keep them out, because the _last_ thing I need is for them to come down here and start harassing me as I take care of this… business," he left off with a fake cough into hand, looking off a bit. Embarrassed? Stan had no idea why that might've been. 

Nevertheless, Stan had agreed to the task. Not without making fun of Snatcher for not being able to keep two kids out of his forest first, of course. 

There hadn't appeared to be any catches whatsoever, so he'd been more than fine with being brought to the ship and introduced to the two by Snatcher.

They seemed harmless enough. One had a hat, the other had a bow. Hat Kid and Bow Kid, respectively. Snatcher explained to them that "This here is my dad, he'll be babysitting you two, and feel free to beat him up if you guys so desire." The last part caught Stan very off guard, though Snatcher didn't bother to stick around given that the moment he finished with that introduction he disappeared through the floor.

"WH- WAIT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN," Stan shouted at what was now just ground. He turned around to face down at the two children. Both were grinning like they’d just been given a nice new toy to play with. 

"H-hey. Listen. Do you even know who I am, you two little-"

"EVIL GRANDPA!" Hat Kid delightfully proclaimed, throwing her hands up, and running at Stan. This caused him to scream. Just a little though.

"Stay BACK you DEMON-" was all he managed to shriek before something that he really hadn't been expecting to happen.

A hug. 

Somehow, this girl had managed to physically hold him, or rather his tail-like portion that stuck out of a shadow on the ground, in an embrace. Her other quickly did the same.

"...How are you two doing that. I'm not even a solid being. I'm a _shadow_ . You shouldn't be able to even _touch_ me," he grumbled, still in too much shock to be properly mad. 

Ok. So clearly there was something up with these kids. Were they dangerous? No. Obviously his son had been simply 'joking' about the whole getting beat up thing. They were annoyingly _clingy_. Maybe this was why Snatcher didn't want them around to bother him. 

Once having got over the shock of being hugged, he escaped from it by reappearing himself in another shadow a bit further away from them. 

“Hmph. Now _clearly_ you two don’t understand who I am. I am Stan! The great evil king, and-” he was cut off because the two had begun giggling at that. Rather loudly, in fact.

“Hey, I didn't even say anything funny! You should be afraid of me! Gaze upon my horrifying visage and feel nothing but fear, you little insects!" 

This was only met with more laughter. Ok. Spending time with Snatcher might've desensitized them to how _scary_ shadows with glowing yellow faces were or something. That was fine. Not really, but Stan was determined to give his all into trying to get these kids to fear him. How else was he to get them to listen to him, after all?

"You're both insanely rude little brats, yknow what? Listen, while you may not find my _appearance_ scary, I'll let you both know that I defeated 7 other evil kings and took all their power! I could _easily_ beat you both up at once if you don't quit… whatever it is you two are doing right now."

  
  


This got the two to shut up. Now they stared at him, wide eyed. 

They continued staring for a good while, to the point Stan wondered if he'd been _too_ threatening. There wasn't much pride to be taken in scaring mere children, after all.

The silent staring continued. Maybe, he should say something? Just to end it. He was starting to get uncomfor- no, bored! He was bored. No amount of doe eyed, creepy, quiet staring from these girls would _ever_ even _unsettle_ a great evil king like himself.

Luckily enough for him, Stan didn't end up needing to be the one to do something first. Hat kid generously did that for him.

Unluckily enough for him, what she had chosen to do was blow a raspberry at him. This sent Bow kid into another laughing fit, which also got Hat kid laughing, and the two were back at square one.

Now, Stan had never been a patient man, much less one to hold his temper. With that said, the fact that this small, insignificant action had been what had pushed him into a blind rage was unsurprising.

"ALRIGHT. THAT'S _ENOUGH_ ," He roared as he lunged at the hat one specifically. What he was to do if he had actually grabbed her, he didn't know as he hadn't thought that far ahead. Perhaps it'd been for the better that he hadn't been able to, given that he wouldn't have known what to actually do after that. Even if he was mad, unleashing his awesome strength upon a child seemed… overkill.

Hat kid had let out a squeal, one of delight and not exactly the fright he'd been hoping for, and quickly proved herself to be quite nimble as she leapt up and over onto Stan, jumping off his head for extra height, and ran off into another room, laughing the whole time.

Bow kid excitedly proclaimed "Chase!" before Stan could properly register all that had happened, and then ran off into another room.

Great. Now they both thought he was _playing_ with them. Of course, if Stan had been smart enough to realize that if he didn't continue to chase them as they so wanted, they would've probably gotten bored and came out of wherever they had ran off to hide away. 

But the point is that Stan didn't even think of that. Like the predictable tool he was, he followed after them. First he went after Hat kid, though much to his dismay the room appeared to be empty. Clearly, she was hiding. Given that there was a massive pile of pillows just laying off to the side, Stan could easily guess where she'd chosen to hide. He would need to look through them to find her. As he loomed over the sea of cushions, debating whether or not if it was worth the effort, he heard the sliding doors of the room open and close, accompanied by tiny footsteps and that horrible giggling. He whipped around, too late to see the escaped girl, but he did notice the closet door was open now. 

Ah. So the pillows hadn’t been where she’d been hidden. Well, that was probably for the best, as he hadn’t really wanted to look through them. 

He resumed the pursuit without further ado. 

This led him into another room, which appeared to have some sort of engines and various mechanisms, where the Bow kid had been too. Together, they both hopped and ran about, successfully evading the evil king no matter how hard he tried to leap out of any shadows near them to get them. 

At one point, he’d made the mistake of trying to just get into one of _their_ shadows, but quickly regretted it as he found himself being dragged around to the point of nauseousness with all of the aerial acrobatics their shadows would do alongside them. 

Eventually, enough was enough, and Stan gave up. 

“Fine! Alright! Just know I haven’t sent you both to your early graves by now because I’m here to _babysit_ you, and I don’t think my son would appreciate it if I ended up destroying you two, no matter how _pesky_ you are,” He complained as he made his retreat back into the main lobby area of the ship.

Clearly, this wasn’t going to work if things continued this way. Stan seated himself upon some sort of cushion, which was a ‘burger pillow’ according to the plaque next to it, viewing it as some kind of makeshift throne. It’d do for now. But for now, he’d need… well. Not _help._ A great evil king would _never_ need help. No, what he needed was… _assistance._

“JAMES!” He called out. While this did cause his butler to teleport into the room (ungracefully, as he’d appeared on the railings of the room and fallen off given that he wasn’t exactly expecting himself to appear on such unstable ground), this also got the attention of the two girls who were now at the sliding doorway, peeking over like they were somehow successfully hidden at all. Stan refused to give them the attention they clearly wanted and focused on James.

"James, I need you to do something for me," he began.

"Of course, anything for you sir! What evil plans do you have in store for me?" James eagerly interrupted, having fumbled his way back onto two feet. 

"...Er, well, it's… very evil, sure. Yeah. So. Can you bring Ari here?"

"...Ari?" James echoed. "...Your old servant? Why?"

"...He had this. Younger menace of a sister, right? So he should have some idea on how to deal with… similar _things._ " he gestured to the girls behind James. 

The butler turned around to see them, staring back at him with wide eyed curiosity. Bow kid even waved at him, which he tentatively returned with a small wave of his own.

His confusion was apparent.

"...So, um, why do you need to deal with these… kids?" James questioned, turning back to face his king. 

"My son asked me to babysit these two, and it didn't seem like that big of a deal at the time. Clearly though, he misled me into thinking these were going to be easy to take care of," Stan said nonchalantly. "Now, about Ari. Can you do your teleporting thing or something to get him here?"

"Erm, well, you see. There's… no easy way to say this, sir, but. It doesn't… work like that?" James awkwardly tried to explain. 

"What." 

"See sir, I can't bring other people through with me.” He bluntly said. James was silent for a moment, thinking. “I _could_ go visit him though to ask for… advice, if you want though?" He suggested, clearly hoping this would be satisfactory enough and not like he was admitting to the fact Stan needed Ari’s help.

"Hrm." Stan pretended to think about this for a second, though he already knew what his answer was going to be. "Well, that'll do, I suppose."

Stan waved his hand in a show of dismissing the butler, and without any more words, James was gone. 

The two girls took this as an opportunity to come out of where they were hiding, clearly curious to who that had just been.

"You want to know who that was, don't you two?" Stan asked them, just to confirm this. They both nodded, so he took the opportunity to boast.

"That was my personal butler, who serves me. Obviously I'd have one, given that I am an evil king." 

Stan was going to go off about his prestige, and how evil he was, and just in general try and take a chance at scaring these kids into discipline again.

This was ruined by the sudden reappearance of James, who now held a few books in his hands. 

"Sir! I found Ari! I told him about how there were these two girls you needed to babysit, and if he had anything to perhaps get them under control, so he gave me these! Apparently these texts have a great effect on kids and getting their attention and whatnot!" James proudly announced. "According to his family, they not only used to use these on Annie, but also Ari himself when he was younger!" 

"Ooooh, that's promising!" Stan grinned, greedily grabbing the books out of the butler's hands. He didn't need to worry about not knowing how to read anymore, because after Ari had caught on to his illiteracy from his snide comments about how dumb he thought letters were, he had taken it upon himself to learn immediately on how to do that. While he wasn't at the level of reading full out novels yet, these books seemed to be simple enough at a quick glance. In fact, as he flipped through the pages to see a bit more about these books, or rather 'books', they appeared to be mainly pictures with only a sentence or two at most for each. 

He chose the one he'd opened as the one he'd be reading to the now seated girls, who seemed to eagerly await for the story to be read to them.

He placed the other selected books to his side, dismissed James again, and gave another look over the title of the selected book. 

“Alright you little pests, who’s ready to hear about Little red riding hood?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All in all, Snatcher didn’t know whether or not if leaving his dad to take care of the aliens had been his best course of action. Sure, they didn't really have many other options for possibly babysitters, given that their own minions probably wouldn't have stopped those two from whatever date sabotaging antics they'd without a doubt try getting themselves up to. He did _not_ want a repeat of what had happened last time. Sure, they'd _tried_ to explain they "Really hadn't meant to burn down the restaurant! It was a total accident!" and that their _'real'_ intentions had been 'to just spy on you three!" . Which, in all honesty, wasn't that much better. Snatcher preferred to have some _privacy._ With dates that took place in public. Whatever.

So now that it was over, they couldn't help but feel a bit worried at what kind of carnage and chaos they'd end up finding upon the spaceship as they headed over to let Stan know he could leave now. 

Snatcher wasn't too worried about how the girls would do, but more about his dad. They knew how… awful, just in general, he could be. Hopefully, the kids hadn't given the old man too much trouble, because Snatcher _really_ didn't want to have to deal with any complaints he might have with the two brats.

They'd made it to the spaceship by now, entering without warning, and came across a scene he honestly hadn't been expecting himself to see.

Sat upon the burger pillow kept on display with a children's picture book in hand, was Stan. With his free hand, he was clearly making dramatic gestures to add upon the story, entrancing the two kids who were sitting below him. 

This was surprising for multiple reasons, such as the fact Stan could read. Last he'd brought the subject up with to his old man, he'd tried very hard to deny his illiteracy and claiming that he 'wasn't reading their contract they'd worked _so_ hard on making look so fancy because it'd be a waste of my time! Evil kings didn't need to spend pointless time on 'reading', though I totally could if I really really wanted to'. Why he'd bothered to change that fact, and when exactly it happened, Snatcher didn't know. 

The book of choice appeared to be the tale of Little Red Riding Hood, but the way Stan was telling it seemed like he’d diverged from the original telling by quite a bit. From what Snatcher could remember, Little Red Riding Hood never had to gather up a team to fight against the great evil Wolf in order to get back her grandma in an ultimate final showdown that came down to the strength Red Riding Hood had acquired from along her quest. 

Just as Stan revealed the big twist that the grandmother had been truly evil all along, manipulating every action and hardship Little Red had gone through along the way in attempts to ruin her, and now the heroine needed to team up with the Wolf in order to stop this ‘blasted wretch from continuing with her acts of terror’, he noticed Snatcher floating a bit behind his audience. 

They took this time to politely fake a cough into their hand, drawing the attention of the two girls to them too. 

“...I take you all had fun?” Snatcher asked the three of them. Bow kid and Hat kid both nodded enthusiastically. 

“Oh god no, they were awful!” Stan lied cheerfully, slamming the book shut loudly. “These terrible insects made me chase after them for ages, all while _mocking me._ The great evil king Stan. Can you imagine?”

“Yeah, actually, I can,” They replied with a grin. “Now, since things have gone so… _awfully_ for you. I presume that’ll you’ll be more than delighted to hear that you’re free of your duties here!”

“Fantastic, well, now for you little menaces-” Stan had gotten up from his seat, and was now directly looming over the two girls, “-It was horrible meeting you both. If you ever want to hear the ending to that story though, you’ll probably be able to find me in the village of Tenel. I spend most of my days there.” 

“This is because Ari’s parents let me stay in their manor,” Stan did not say. “I don’t actually have a home of my own, so they just let me kind of... stay there,” he also did not say. There was no need for him to admit his lowly living status of not even having a place of his own. 

The two girls both giggled at Stan’s fake rudeness, well used to having to deal with shadows lying to them about what they truly meant to say, and gave him a quick hug. 

“Bye bye evil grandpa!” Hat kid cheerfully said as she let go. 

“...Evil grandpa?” Snatcher questioned, mostly towards Stan.  
  
“Well. I’m your dad. And these are your kids, so it’s just common sense I’d be their g-?” Stan never got to finish that thought though.

“THEY ARE **NOT** MY KIDS!” Snatcher immediately shrieked, quickly turning to face the two kids who’d tried to make Stan think that. Of course, it was the truth, but he wasn’t going to let them get off the hook that easily. 

The two knew better to stick around after revealing their nickname for Stan, and had already disappeared off into one of the rooms. Given the direction of the sound of a door opening, it had been the bedroom. Both shadows currently still in the lobby knew very well the hiding spot they’d choose, and neither wanted to have to dig through pillows to get them.

Snatcher let out an annoyed sigh, and Stan just cackled to himself as he picked up the rest of the books. 

“So, you deal with these two often?” 

“Yeah. More or less every day,” Snatcher grumbled. 

“Ha! Sucks to be you!” was Stan’s kind and understanding response.

“Thanks. Now, if you don’t mind me, I need to be getting back to my forest, and-” 

“Oh, your forest, that’s right. Y’know, it’s been awhile since I’ve properly visited! I think it wouldn’t be too bad for us to catch up for a bit, right?” Stan began, voice heavy with fake innocence. The way he was grinning gave away the malicious intentions moments before he could admit them himself. 

"And, I don't know, maybe you could tell me all about that date you just went on, right?"


End file.
